I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My vagina is very pro this idea
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
