just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am naked and annoyed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
