The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
