it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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