Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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