As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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