i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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