I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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