Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize