Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
