So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
