Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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