i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize