Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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