sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
