I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize