She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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