i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
