I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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