Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
