I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
