i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
