fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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