You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
