dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
