I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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