I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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