mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
