why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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