My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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