It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
