Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
