I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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