I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
