Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Man, jail baloney is awful.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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