he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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