Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
