You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
