drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
