She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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