We're like a lot better than the average bears
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
