I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need water and some morals
Randomize