Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
