i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize