i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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