That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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