I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
