Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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