A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
