She announced her abortion via fbk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
