he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
