I'm gonna have a badass scar
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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