I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This baby is an asshole
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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