I think i peed on brittanys purse
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
