He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
