Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
