i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
