what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
