from now on my penis is your penis
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
