At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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