This girl is more easily done than said...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
