Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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