It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
