We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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