I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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