Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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