I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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