you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
