I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
