I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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