I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
