So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
