His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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