The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
