Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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