Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
