Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
