The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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